March 19, 2012

You know it’s bad when you have to start with a disclaimer…

Disclaimer: I am not giving up. I plan to complete what I set out to do. This post is just a rant.
Yesterday was a really bad day for me. My mood was awful and I was just feeling completely frustrated. I made the mistake of taking pictures of myself in my bikini and comparing it to my old pictures. I felt really good about myself and accomplished yesterday since I completed a month straight of working out 6 times a week. I thought it would show in my body. NOTHING has changed. I’ve lost weight, but god knows where because I still look the same. I’ve lost 7lbs., from where? Is beyond me.  I shouldn’t have taken the pictures. I shouldn’t have expected anything to show in just 24 workouts. I just mentally felt like an athlete and what I saw was just the opposite. I felt defeated, dark and dim yesterday.
Thank God that yesterday was my day off from the diet and exercise and I took full advantage of it. I was so pissed I ate whatever I wanted. Trust me, if I could drink something alcoholic, I would have yesterday just to numb the pain. Its days like yesterday that make me wish I didn’t get raging hangovers and I could actually drink myself into feeling better. Huff!
Today is the first day of week 5 and I intend on killing it! I don’t care if it doesn’t show on my body. Inside, I still feel like an athlete and I feel like working out completes my life. Without it, I just have too much time on my hands and I become too self-destructive. So I’m chugging along solely because of this reason. Eventually, my retarded, defective body is going to have to respond….EVENTUALLY!
I can’t wait to get my body to match the athlete in my heart.

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