October 3, 2012

My Passion

Everybody has something that makes them get butterflies in their stomach, goose bumps on their arms and if you are emotional like me, teary eyed!

I am obsessed with nutrition and working out. 

I am obsessed with muscles. 

Even though it started for vanity purposes, my obsession grew as I grew. It's not because muscles are pretty and give our bodies amazing shape. For me, it's because I know the dedication and hard work that it takes for someone to burn the fat and grow muscles. So when I see it, I'm literally in awe of that person and admire their dedication. Admit it; you know it's not something everyone can achieve. Many attempt it, but fail. Many attempt it and can't keep it up (like me). Few have achieved it and maintained it. Truthfully, everyone wants to be fit and healthy. Nobody sets out to become overweight, obese or morbidly obese. It just happens because we make bad decisions. Decisions to eat crap and move less!

I am a true believer that every small step taken towards better health counts. Heck, I started on this trip by just cutting out my after dinner snack. The thing about getting healthy is that it feels like such a daunting task. I know. I've been there! Setting out to lose 40 lbs. felt like I was attempting to climb Mt. Everest! Then I remembered, in order to climb a mountain, you need to take small steps. So I started with the things that seemed easy enough to cut out.

After cutting out my evening snack, I vowed that I would only eat refined sugars if I was at an event or visiting my family. I primarily decided this because I didn't want to make people around me feel uncomfortable. Let’s face it, eating is a social event and when you are not joining in on the eating, it makes people feel either bad for what they are eating or at the very least uncomfortable. Also, I didn't want to feel stressed out at what I could and could not eat at an event or if there would be ANY healthy food for me to eat at the gatherings.

My third step was to start walking/jogging/running for at least 45 minutes at least 5 times a week. This meant that if I was going to fit this into my day it would have to happen late at night after the kids went off to bed. Unfortunately for me, I am not a morning exerciser. I need my hot shower to wake me up every morning. This means that when everyone is cuddled up on their couch catching up on American Idol, I’m schlepping my ass onto the treadmill.

At first, this was difficult. It took me almost 2 years to actually stick to working out this late at night. If you look at my journals there have been soooooo many failed attempts at working out late at night. IT IS NOT EASY!!!! There were times when I would stick to it for 6 weeks and then just on whim I wouldn't feel like it one day and that one day would somehow turn into two days, three days, etc. It never became a habit until May of this year. Honestly, I don’t know what was so different this time around from the rest of the times. That’s a lie. I do know. I was sick of being depressed and I knew my only remedy would be exercise. For me, it felt like life or death. I was that desperate for change. 

Now it's just a part of my life that I actually look forward to. My sessions have doubled in time since I started. I spend a good hour and a half working it in my garage, daily if possible.

My fourth step was to write down the numbers for all of the steps above. I had been avoiding it through May and June. I think I got burned out on the structure of being healthy. I got burned out on the counting of calories. It felt so rigid and I just wanted to find my joy in exercise and eating healthy again. So when my husband purchased my treadmill on June 30, I just knew it was time to start crunching numbers. I went back onto Myfitness Pal and reassessed my calories and put in my weight and I just started from there. Since then, I count calories every day. I've found my joy in playing the “health” game again and boy does it feel good!

Of course, I am not finished by a long shot! For me there are so many old goals that are signing back on as new goals in my life. I have committed myself to myself again. The way I see it, I am the only person that will accompany me through my life. Why not take care of myself? 

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