January 31, 2013

How heavy lifting can mess with your head…

This morning I weighed myself despite knowing that I would not like the number on the scale. I was ready for the shell shock that would come along with that number. Why does that number mess with my head so much? I think it has to do with the way that I learned to relate to weight loss and weight gain as an adolescent. As a teenager, that number was the only measure of success (or failure) that I could judge whether what I was doing (dieting/exercising) was working or not.

Despite learning new ways of measuring my weight loss success, I still rely heavily on that number. I have to do a lot of mind talking when that number goes up. For instance, if the number goes up 2lbs. in one day and mentally I know it is water weight, I have to still calm down my emotional self and rationalize that there is no real weight fat gain. It sometimes only takes me a minute to get over the number and then there are times when it can ruin my whole day. It really only sets the mood for my whole day if I am going out of the house. I have “fat days” where everything still fits me normally, but that stupid number on the scale dictates to me that I am “fat.” I've come to accept these fat days as part of the territory when it comes to losing weight and being a vain female. As I've grown older, my fat days have become less frequent and I think it has a lot to do with just realizing that if I have a fat day today, I can do something about it like exercise and eat right. A fat day doesn't feel as dire as it once did as a teenager.

Getting back to this morning, I knew that the scale would be up because my legs are barely starting to feel normal again AND in the meantime I have been lifting for my other muscle groups. Thus, I know my body is retaining water like it’s going out of style. The number on the scale wasn't as bad as I had envisioned. It only went up 2lbs. However, we are at the end of the month and I know that I have to put my monthly weight loss on the side bar to the right. I’m bummed that really I've only lost 2lbs. this month ON THE SCALE, but truthfully the 4lbs. that I was aiming to lose were lost before I started lifting heavily last week.  That’s why I started lifting heavy last week! I had gone back down to what I was before I blew my diet in December and so I moved forward with what was my original plan in November. The plan was to start firming up the muscles more AND increase my muscle mass to start burning the candle at both ends.

I’m just going to record 2lbs on the sidebar knowing full well that it really was 4lbs. The sidebar is based on the scale, so that is what I’ll put there. Too bad I didn't have enough foresight to include a sidebar of the measurement progress I have made.  

Oh well!

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