January 31, 2013

Preschool Open House

My boy @ 6 months
 
Tonight we went to an open house for a preschool that we want our boy to go to. We got there a little early and the preschool teacher had not opened her classroom yet for the families to tour. There were a few other people just standing there and my husband bent down and picked our son up so that he could see through the windows. I was watching my son peering into that window and I could see that he was excited. When I saw his look of wonderment I felt my heart sink. It became so real to me that my son was no longer a baby and that he was really going to start school. AND that he was excited and ready for it. I walked in there knowing that it would be the best thing for my son, but ever since we left a few hours ago, I've been wanting to cry.

I feel like crying because the fact is that this will be my only baby. I will only do all these things once and once they are gone, I will never do them again. My husband and I have had many conversations about having another child but there are so many reasons as to why it's not a good idea. However, it doesn't stop me from wanting to do the baby process all over again. I would be soooo much better at it this time because I wouldn't be so neurotic and I would know exactly what to do. Sometimes it feels like such a pitty that I won't be able to apply the early mama skills I acquired with my first to my second child.

I count my blessings though. I have the best son. He is healthy, strong, has a wonderful sense of humor and makes me so happy everyday. I know preschool is just the beginning and I have years and years to enjoy my son, but it doesn't stop me from feeling sad about him growing up so fast.

If this is how I am with just a preschool tour, can you imagine what a blubbering idiot I will be at his high school graduation?


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