March 25, 2013

My thoughts these past few weeks…

We are almost a quarter into the year (I’m an accountant. I think in quarters.) and I have not been keeping up with my New Year’s resolutions. Actually, I haven’t been keeping up with anything. I've fallen back into complacency. I’m not doing anything to better myself and I’m basically maintaining my past success. When I am honest with myself, I am actually really hard on myself and feel completely disappointed with the past 3 months. I was doing so well and somehow I went off track. This has really been getting me down. I was supposed to be in amazing shape by now, but I’m really just stuck where I already was.

I've tried a lot to motivate myself. Nothing has seemed to stick. I’m going to have to adopt my motto from last year and just “fake it” until I make it. I’m going to get on that treadmill every day and just do whatever comes naturally to me. If that means an hour of walking, then that’s what I will do. If one day I am inspired to run the entire hour or do intervals, then that is what I will do. All I’m going to demand of myself is that I lace up my shoes and get on that treadmill. I will demand of myself to rack those miles on that beautiful treadmill. I think that once I force myself to do the treadmill thing for a week or two that I will get inspired again and then branch out into other things (i.e. weightlifting).

I’m also going to work on cleaning up my diet. I haven’t been horrible, but I haven’t been spectacular either. I’m going to go back to oatmeal, cottage cheese, egg whites and protein shakes. Those foods don’t even gross me out. My problem is that I haven’t been buying these foods on my weekly grocery runs. I've been buying normal family food in order to stay on a budget. However, I’m not going to do that anymore because keeping the family on the budget is coming at the cost of my happiness. (Sorry babe if you are reading this. I’m gonna blow the grocery budget going forward.)

I know that I write a lot of stupid promises on this blog. I know that when I say, “this time is different,” that there probably isn't any validity attached to that statement. However, I know what I am feeling right now and I know the endless broken record of thoughts that I have been thinking the past few weeks and I know that this time is different. I realize that if I don’t start doing something now that nothing will change. I am doing exactly nothing to improve my health. I’m stuck and I’m unhappy because I’m not making any progress. I’m not making progress because I’m doing absolutely nothing to progress towards. This time is different. This time there is thought behind that statement.