May 23, 2013

In Daddy's Shoes

I normally, do not write about very personal things on my blog. Normally, I write those things as draft posts and never publish them. It’s not that I don’t want people to get to know me personally but it’s because I want to keep the focus of my blog on fitness.

However, yesterday I attended a wake of a very dear friend to my family. At the wake the grown children, of the man that had passed away, were completely upbeat and were even consoling the guests that were crying (i.e. ME! I wear my feelings on the outside, for sure.) Anyways, it got me thinking about my parents and about how I will handle such life changing events when they come. The truth of the matter is that I will probably be a huge mess.

As I've mentioned before on this blog, my dad was very close to death in 2010. I associated yesterday’s event with my dad’s near death event and it not only made me feel sad, but it made me feel so fortunate that my dad was sitting right by me. Not only was my dad sitting by me, but after the wake he came over to my house for a while. (My mom stayed at the wake until the very end). 

Anyways, while my dad was at my house, I got a chance to show him the website that I have been building for my HOA and what a pain in the ass it has been…lol. After showing him everything he told me that he was proud of me. ((Dammit, I’m crying as I type this.)) It was so nice to hear that from my dad and even today I still feel so happy that he said that to me.

Later that night, as I was lying in bed and replaying the events of the day, a thought occurred to me…

I feel sorry for the guys that have come in and out of my life as potential suitors. I feel sorry for them because my dad has set the standard of a male influence in my life so high that ALL potential suitors have always come up short.

Truth of the matter, my dad has always treated me like a princess. He has always made me feel special by giving me his undivided attention. He has always given me a chance to form and voice my opinions without telling me that I didn't understand this or that. He’s listened to my countless rambling about boys, fitness, school, jobs, website building, my son, my husband and a million other things. He has let me come to my own conclusions on how the world works and basically guided me gently on my journey to adulthood.

How could any man in my life ever meet those standards? My dad set the standard so high!

I’m not saying that my husband isn't a great male influence in my life. He is a great influence and is strong for me when I can't be. It is just that the way that my dad raised me is something that I think my husband doesn't quite understand. I think that to him I am high maintenance when it comes to attention and time and I really believe that it's because my dad always made me feel special by giving me his attention and time. Down deep inside, I don't think anyone will ever be able to fit my daddy's shoes. The standard is just soooo high!

I am so damn lucky to have my dad! I won the lottery when it comes to having amazing parents. 

Yes, both my parents are amazing!